Groaning Oldies

From Friar's Club Encyclopedia of Jokes by Barry Dougherty.

A wealthy computer business mogul sees an advertisement on the Internet for the world’s fastest and most expensive car, the Tri-Turbo Convertible Fantasy. It sells for $1 million. The executive decides he must have it, so he has eight of his most trusted assistants assigned to tracking down the vehicle. After months of searching, the car is located, bought, and delivered. Eager to play with his new toy, the executive takes it out for a spin.

At the first stoplight, an old man, looking about eighty-five years old, rides up to the Fantasy on an old Vespa. The old man sticks his head inside without waiting for an invitation, and says, “Quite a ride you got here, sonny. How fast will she go?”

“About 270,” the executive responds.

“Come on,” says the old man.

Just then, the light turns green and the executive decides to show the old man what the car can do. He floors it, and within seconds the car is doing 270. But suddenly, he notices in his rear-view mirror a dot that seems to be getting closer and closer, and so he comes to a stop. Then, whoooooooosh, “the thing” goes flying by! “What in the heck was that?” says the executive. “What can go faster than my Fantasy?”

Suddenly, “the thing” comes racing back towards him, and whoooooosh, passes right by. This time the executive got a better look, and so help him, it looked like the old man on the Vespa. “That just couldn’t be,” he says to himself. Then, through his rear-view mirror, he sees it again. All of the sudden, WHAM! It smashes into the back end of the car.

The executive jumps out, and sure enough, it’s the old man on the Vespa that crashed into him. “Are you OK?” asks the executive. “Is “there anything I can do for you?”

“Yes,” replies the old man, “unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror, please.”