Engage

From 32-Year Study Shows How Geeky Kids Become Happy Adults by Garth Sundem.

In order to not be poor, we know empirically that there are three simple things you need to do: 1) Graduate high school on time, 2) Get married, stay married, 3) Get a job and keep a job (any job). Do these three things and your chances of being in poverty are less than 2%.

In order for a child to likely become an enthusiastic reader we know empirically there are five simple things to do: 1) Talk to them, 2) Read to them, 3) Have easy access to books, 4) Let them choose books, and 5) Be seen reading yourself.

Thanks to Lester Breslow we know that to be healthy, all we need to do is 1) Not smoke, 2) Drink in moderation, 3) Sleep seven to eight hours, 4) Exercise at least moderately, 5) Eat regular meals, 6) Maintain a moderate weight, and 7) Eat breakfast.

Now, courtesy of scholars in New Zealand, there is empirical evidence establishing links between childhood traits and adult well-being (defined as coherence, positive coping, social engagement and pro-social values) based on a longitudinal study of 1,000 people from birth to age 32.

This study defined four possible zones of the social connectedness pants to kick: quality of social attachments, participation in organized clubs and groups, self-perceived competencies or strengths, and life satisfaction.

First, a large part of social attachment is your teenager’s relationship with you, the parent – the better you relate with your teenager, the more likely he or she is to have high well-being as an adult. Nearly as important and equally as difficult to imagine as your teenager liking you, is your teenager liking school.

But social connectedness and liking school in no way implies that a kid has to be popular in order to become a well adult. More important than being the star quarterback is “having someone to talk to if they had a problem or felt upset about something,” the authors write. And participation in clubs and groups in no way implies sports. Band is just as good as football. It’s group membership and not necessarily athletic worship that builds well-being.

Finally and importantly, no matter the objective facts of a teen’s life, how a teen evaluates and values their life predicts well-being as a 32-year-old. Are they optimistic about the future, independent, and generally busy? If so, A) you have a teen that smushes every popular stereotype of Western culture, and B) you have a teen who’s likely to grow into a very well adult.

To be a well-adjusted adult then, you need as a child to 1) Have good social attachments (friendly and engaging), 2) Participate in organized clubs and groups (commitment and engagement), 3) Develop competencies and achievement, and 4) Have a positive attitude. So pedestrian, so achievable and so critical.

I have mentioned before that much of sociological research seems to focus on the obscure and the negative which is perhaps well meaning but odd. While it is useful to know what to do about bullying and social awkwardness and moral ambiguity and abuse and poverty, etc. what we really want to know is: what do we need to do to be healthy, wealthy, and wise.

We now have a check list for life success broadly addressing addressing wealth, education, happiness. That is awfully close to the traditional triumvirate of healthy, wealthy and wise. That seventeen point checklist would now look like:

Undertake physical activity
Eat a diet high in fruits and vegetables
Maintain a healthy weight
Moderate alcohol use
Do not smoke
Graduate from high school
Get married and stay married
Get a job, any job
Talk a lot to your child
Read to them
Have plenty of books available
Let them choose what to read
Be seen reading yourself
Cultivate friendships
Participate with others
Develop competencies (or maybe pursue excellence)
Be positive

In a culture of excuse-making, it is easy to obscure that much of the ancient wisdom and many of our cultural traditions are in fact right there at our fingertips, ready to point the way towards happy, healthy, wealthy lives. Our language and the conversation that surrounds us is rife with morals, adages, and sayings which tell us what to do. Common verbal corollaries to the conclusions from empirical research show a nice consistency.

Hard work never did anyone any harm
An apple a day
A drunken fool
Smoking like a chimney
The wisdom of Solomon
Marriages are made in heaven
Early to bed, early to rise . . .
Hit the books
A friend in need is a friend indeed
Don't waste your time wondering, get busy and do it
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm
There's nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so