Evolution's cruel tricks

From Sex differences in perceived controllability of mate value: An evolutionary perspective. by Ben Hamida, et al. It is from 1998 and it is essentially saying that which is encapsulated in much common lore. But its precision and clarity brings home the monkey's paw of dimorphic evolution where every privilege and advantage is also burdened with unanticipated griefs. From the abstract.

Men and women value different characteristics in potential partners. It was hypothesized that women feel they have less control over traits relevant to their desirability than men feel they have over traits related to male desirability. In Study 1, undergraduates (N = 150) completed questionnaires measuring (a) the importance they attributed to 64 characteristics when choosing a mate and (b) their perceived control over these traits. Men selected partners on the basis of traits that are relatively uncontrollable (e.g., youth, attractiveness), whereas women selected partners on the basis of traits that are more controllable (e.g., status, industriousness; d = 1.75). In Study 2, these findings were replicated in an older, representative community sample (N = 301; d = 1.03). Greater uncontrollability of traits relevant to female mate value may place women at elevated risk for negative affect, depression, low self-esteem, and body dissatisfaction.

Women choose partners based on a preference for things which are malleable and can be achieved by men based on the incentive women create: income, status, work ethic, etc. On the other hand, men choose partners based on factors that are of limited malleability: youth and attractiveness.

Alternatively, what women want is male achievement and what men want is female attractiveness. Leading to virtually the entirety of literature, most exemplified, perhaps, by Jane Austen.

From Dataclysm, the cruel mismatch of attractiveness by age, in graphic form.

A woman's age versus the age of men who look best to her.

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And

A man's age versus the age of women who look best to him.

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