Thursday, June 10, 2010

When your parents instruct you, listen respectfully

Chinese friends and Chinese members of the TTMD community have mentioned an ancient Chinese text, Standards for Being a Good Student and Child (Di Zi Gui). I finally got around to looking it up a few months ago. There are many translations though I am in no position to judge which are more true or are better renderings. In this particular version there are seven subjects that encompass 113 rules. The seven subjects are:

At Home, Be Dutiful to Your Parents
Standards for a Younger Brother When Away from Home
Be Cautious in Your Daily Life
Be Trustworthy
Love All Equally
Be Close to and Learn from People of Virtue and Compassion
After All the Above Are Accomplished, Study Further and Learn Literature and Art to Improve Your Cultural and Spiritual Life

As an example of the rules, here are the first fifteen under the topic "At home, be dutiful to your parents."
1. When your parents call you, answer them right away.
2. When they command you to do something, do it quickly.
3. When your parents instruct you, listen respectfully.
4. When your parents reproach you, obey and accept their scolding; try hard to change and improve yourself and start anew.
5. In the winter, make sure your parents keep warm.
6. In the summer, make sure your parents keep cool.
7. Greet them in the morning to show them that you care.
8. At night be sure that they rest well.
9. Before going out, tell your parents where you are going, for parents are always concerned about their children.
10. After returning home, let your parents know that you are back, so they do not worry about you.
11. Have a permanent place to stay, and lead a routine life.
12. Persist in whatever you do and do not change your aspirations at will.
13. Although a matter may be considered trivial, if it is wrong or unfair to another person, do not do it and think that it will bear little or no consequence. If you do, you are not being a dutiful child because parents do not want to see their child doing things that are irresponsible or illegal.
14. Although a possession may be small, do not hoard it and refuse to share. If you do, your parents will be saddened.
15. If whatever pleases your parents is fair and reasonable, try your best to provide it for them.


As a parent there is a lot to like here. Some of these early ones come across perhaps as simplistic but as you read through the materials there are a lot of thoughtful injunctions and much to admire and respect. There is something of an archaic feel not dissimilar to reading George Washington's Rules of Conduct or Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior. Rules Two and Three were particular favorites of my kids (#2 When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usually Discovered and #3 Show Nothing to your Friend that may affright him).

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