The Legend Of The First Cam-u-el by Arthur Guiterman

The Legend Of The First Cam-u-el

An Arabian Apologue

by Arthur Guiterman

Across the sands of Syria,

Or possibly Algeria,

Or some benighted neighborhood of barrenness and drouth,

There came the Prophet Samu-u-el

Upon the Only Cam-u-el –

A bumpy, grumpy Quadruped of discontented mouth.

The atmosphere was glutinous;

The Cam-u-el was mutinous;

He dumped the pack from off his back; with

Horrid grunts and squeals

He made the desert hideous;

With strategy perfidious

He tied his neck in curlicues, he kicked his paddy heels.

Then quoth the gentle Sam-u-el,

“You rogue, I ought to lam you well!

Though zealously I’ve shielded you from every

grief and woe,

It seems, to voice a platitude,

You haven’t any gratitude.

I’d like to hear what cause you have for doing

thus and so!”

To him replied the Cam-u-el,

“I beg your pardon, Sam-u-el,

I know that I’m a Reprobate, I know that I’m a

Freak;

But, oh! This utter loneliness!

My too-distinguished Onliness!

Were there but other Cam-u-els I wouldn’t be

unique.”

The Prophet beamed beguilingly.

“Aha,” he answered, smilingly,

“You feel the need of company? I clearly under-

stand.

We’ll speedily create for you

The corresponding mate for you –

Ho! Presto, change-o, dinglebat!” – he waved a

potent hand,

And lo! From out Vacuity

A second Incongruity,

To wit, a Lady Cam-u-el was born through magic

art.

Her structure anatomical,

Her form and face were comical;

She was, in short, a Cam-u-el, the other’s counter-

part.

As Spaniards gaze on Aragon,

Upon that Female Paragon

So gazed the Prophet’s Cam-u-el, that primal

Desert Ship.

A connoisseur meticulous,

He found her that ridiculous

He grinned from ear to auricle until he split his lip!

Because of his temerity

That Cam-u-el’s posterity

Must wear divided upper lips through all their

solemn lives!

A prodigy astonishing

Reproachfully admonishing

Those wicked, heartless married men who ridicule their wives.