Times which were so different and customs that flow into the future

 An interesting snapshot into old traditions which were more formal and seem archaic but which served their purpose.  These are old Virginia families which extensively cross-married.  From The Cabells and Their Kin by Alexander Brown, published in 1895. 

Elizabeth Cabell was born either in 1774 or 1776.  She was educated with her elder sister Margaret. On April 14, 1791, her father made this entry in his diary: "Clement Carrington informed me of his intention to pay his addresses to my daughter Betsy."  Many years afterwards (about 1845, I think), when Col. Clement was very old, the late N. F. Cabell asked him if he remembered his courtship.  He said: "I do — as if it were on yesterday!  She declined me!  She said she was too young to leave her parents!  I stood up and took my stand in front of her, and said, 'Madame! I will be parents to you!'  But I could make no impression upon her, and I now suspect that her heart was already engaged elsewhere."

Just a vignette but one which adds color to the sometimes dry facts of the past.  A young courter whose offer of marriage was rejected and who carried that memory through his long and accomplished life.

Elizabeth Cabell was only 15 when Carrington (aged 29) proposed but he was probably correct that her heart was already engaged elsewhere.  Elizabeth Cabell married four years later at nineteen, had at least two sons, and died of tuberculosis in 1801 at age 25.  

Carrington had served in the American Revolution and been wounded at the Battle of Eutaw Springs in 1781.  He related this long ago memory to his friend in 1845, when he was 83 years old and just two years before his own death in 1847 when his first love had been dead near half a century.

The Cabells were an established planter class landed gentry.  In the late eighteenth century, that class was already commonly investing in the education of their sons (usually at academies) and their daughters (usually with tutors).  They apparently considered marriage at fifteen as within reason.  The process was formal and harked back to more ancient customs with the suitor having first to ask permission of the father to address the woman.

But the woman had the freedom and power to refuse on her own grounds.  And the suitor had to accept her decision.  

And then there is the simple fact of the awful fragility of life in those days before knowledge of hygiene and germs and medical treatments were very far along.  Dead at 25 from tuberculosis.  Not common, but by no means uncommon.  

And those ancient customs?  I also had to seek permission of my future father-in-law to address his daughter.  I was more fortunate than Colonel Clement Carrington though and my suit was accepted.