Lawyers: Sure, I’ll take the case.

From a twitter thread that starts with

Historians: I don't think I can teach 19thC history because my speciality is really the Northern Campaign of the Franco Prussian War (January 1871).
Political theorists: I can talk about anything 380 BCE to Rawls.

— Gianna Englert (@giannaenglert) July 12, 2019

And then proceeds to every outgroup deriding every other outgroup as the most reprehensible outgroup.

Riffs on the theme:

Randos on Twitter: DON’T WORRY I GOT THIS

Philsophers: I can apply a completely random and inapt analogy to any situation as long as I mention Kant.

Economists: I can explain anything using the statistical software I have here on my computer.

Sociologists: I can explain anything already explained and understood in any other field because I learned about Marxism and social constructionism in grad school.

Economists: let’s assume Adam and Eve were utility maximizing individuals. Everything else follows.

Lawyers: Sure, I’ll take the case.

Music theorists: My dissertation was on interval cycles in Swedish death metal. I teach three sections of fundamentals and one class on sonata form.

Geographers: Let's look if this general theory about the earth also holds true for this small region where I come from / where my uni is / where I want to travel to.

School districts: You once looked at a picture of Caesar, would you like to teach AP World History?

Texans: I can tell you about Texas!

Non-tenured folk anywhere: Thanks for the paycheck. I just need to stay one week ahead of the students.

Physicists: I can teach everything.

Comparative Politics: I can compare local governance patterns in 16th Century Venice with Edo-era Japan!

SJW: Knowledge is a social construct exploited by patriarchal racists