Monday, July 15, 2013

Conversation Rules for Gentlemen

From 37 Conversation Rules for Gentlemen from 1875 by Brett & Kate McKay.

The McKay's do a great job of translating the best of the gendered past into the egalitarian present, preserving and promulgating that which is helpful and admirable. Read their original post which is an except from a book published in 1875. Astonishingly pertinent in nearly all respects. Reminiscent of The Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation by George Washington, transcribed when he was in his teens.

Rather than copying the McKay's copy, let me translate into the shorter modern vernacular.

1. Don't insist on being right.
2. Don't try and force others to agree with you.
3. Hear out the other person before contributing.
4. Give the other speaker your focused attention.
5. Don't interrupt.
6. Make sure the conversation is inclusive to the interests of all participants.
7. Don't take sides in an argument.
8. Make sure everyone participates. Don't try and be the center of attention.
9. Pay attention to the feelings and opinions of others.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Don't eavesdrop.
12. Participate only as far as is appropriate. Don't hog the floor.
13. Don't share too much.
14. Avoid encouraging flattery.
15. Don't make comparisons between friends.
16. Avoid topics that are hurtful to those participating in the conversation.
17. Don't try and outshine others.
18. Don't use clichés and quotations.
19. Don't be a know-it-all.
20. Speak grammatically and with accurate vocabulary.
21. Don't make a big deal when someone speaks ungrammatically or misuses words.
22. Don't use jargon.
23. With a non-native speaker, be patient.
24. Don't be the conversational buffoon, joker or funny man.
25. Don't boast or drop names.
26. Don't be a Debbie Downer
27. Don't fawn on others whose work you admire.
28. Don't quote foreign languages.
29. Don't use double entendres.
30. Don't let yourself get angry.
31. Don't wash family laundry in public, yours or others.
32. Don't keep talking about your travels and unique experiences.
33. Don't use negative adjectives about people you don't know.
34. Avoid gossip.
35. Keep your opinions to yourself unless asked.
36. Don't use flattery to make people feel good.
37. Expect the best of others/don't patronize them with your low expectations of them.

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