A Paducah wholesaler

From A treasury of American anecdotes; sly, salty, shaggy stories of heroes and hellions, beguilers and buffoons, spellbinders and scapegoats, gagsters and gossips, from the grassroots and sidewalks of America by Benjamin Albert Botkin. 

A certain tradesman in a small Kentucky town . . . bought a quantity of goods from a Paducah wholesaler and did not pay up in time.

After six months had gone by, and innumerable dunning letters had been ignored, the wholesaler sat down and wrote a final demand for payment. At the same time he addressed several other inquiries to the town where the tradesman operated. He wrote the railroad station agent, asking if the goods had been delivered. He wrote the local bank president, inquiring about the man’s credit. Finally he wrote the mayor of the town, asking the name of a good lawyer in case he had to bring suit.

In a few days he received from the debtor himself the following reply:

Dear Sir: As station agent of this town, I am glad to advise you that the goods were delivered. As president of the local bank, it gives me pleasure to inform you that my credit is good. As mayor of the town, I am compelled to advise you that I am the only lawyer here. And if it were not for the fact that I am also pastor of the Baptist church, I would tell you to go to hell!