I think back on the day, amazed by how productive I’ve been.

From Revolutionary Drinking: A Day-Long Experiment in Colonial Boozing by Patrick Alan Coleman.  

The American Revolution was built on a foundation of booze, led by Founding Fathers who were typically found in taverns. And sure, those taverns acted as venues for legal proceedings, debates, and town meetings, but imbibing beer, cider, and punch punctuated said events.

That our forefathers were liquor-loving is a matter of historical record. Washington owned a whiskey distillery. Jefferson imported thousands of bottles of wine. Hancock smuggled hundreds of barrels of strong Portuguese Madeira into the colonies -- an act that would cause his ship to be seized and lead to a riot and the burning of a British customs boat in Boston Common. 

 

The colonial contemporaries of these brave, besotted men were likewise fond of drink. One oft-cited quote from the era lays out a day of drinking thusly: “If I take a settler after my coffee, a cooler at nine, a bracer at ten, a whetter at eleven, and two or three stiffeners during the forenoon, who has right to complain?”

That, my good, modern friends, is a helluva day, and a common one when our country was new. Fascinating grounds for historical rumination and speculation, to be sure. But upon learning these facts about our thirsty ancestors, an incandescent and maybe self-serving question burned in my mind: WTF was that like?

So, in the name of history, patriotism, science, and thirst, I set out to discover what it would be like if colonial drinking habits were a part of my typical 21st-century day.

Coleman is indeed a selfless historian and journalist and makes his way through the day consuming roughly the volumes and types of drinks thought to have been the norm.  

Across the day, he notes three things of surprise.  He is more productive than normal; that he is not drunk as he thought he would become; and that the drinks help mask pains associated with manual labor.

I think back on the day, amazed by how productive I’ve been. Over 12 hours of booze and I remained standing. I never so much as tripped. It's perplexing and confusing. Would this kind of drinking lead to permanent damage? Damn straight. And many a colonial likely fell to a destroyed liver (if natural diseases and infections from things like hangnails didn’t get them first).

Here’s the thing. I would never do this on the regular, as amazing and fun as it is. I don’t need to drink like a colonial. There is not enough pain and suffering in my life to require it. I have my freedom. I have a tremendous amount of leisure time and good health. 

Reminds me of a post a while ago.  George Washington used 160 gallons of rum to treat 391 voters to bumbo during campaigning for the Virginia House of Burgesses in July 1758.  Oh, and another: They knew how to throw a party